She drops her hand onto Cosima's, squeezing once in apology before she takes it back again. "I know." Sometimes the job has to come first.

But to get to it, sitting back on her heels, she sighs. Rubbing her cheek accidentally leaves a smudge of dirt on her skin near her nose. "I'm not sure. It's been four years now and I haven't... It hasn't ever happened again. It's good, of course, I don't want it to happen again, but I feel like I'm waiting for it. Like I can't relax."

It never goes away.